I'm cleansing. Bear with me.
These are the certainties of my life for which I have become extremely aware. If you are a friend of mine, you will nod to one, many, or all of these things. I'm not happy with the way my life is going, and I recognize the following truths:
-I am a terrible friend. See rest of list for details.
-I do not allocate my time in a way that is fit to allow for the return of phone calls, party invitations, or hangout time. The best way I've found to handle this is to work in groups of people.
-I cannot, for the life of me, balance everything I want to do.
-Because of this lack of balance, I try to do everything and fail at most things I attempt, while only barely succeeding in a few. I tend to prioritize these things ahead of my friends, and ahead of time for myself.
-Despite how well I fake it, I do not have my shit together. I'm working on it, but my relationships with those important to me (you all) are taking the toll, and have been for some time.
Why would I post such a personal thing here? Well, for the most part, for therapeutic value.
If you're reading this, it means I have had some significant interaction with you that has had a strong bearing on my life to this point, whether that interaction is still going today is irrelevant. You being able to see this message is my note of thanks to you for helping sculpt the positive points of my life to where it is today.
Now, this should also not be taken as a cry for help. I am not trying to get sympathy or "get well soon" cards. This is simply what it is, an announcement so that you all know that I'm about to completely overhaul my life, and I'm not sure where I'm going to turn out.
Ulitmately, this is also a public apology for all of you whom I've irritated by not keeping in touch or spending enough time with you; I've certainly destroyed enough amazing potential friendships this way. While I can't promise it will change, I can promise that I still will do what I can, when I can.
Mind the gap.