Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Sorry to do this here, but it's necessary.

I'm cleansing. Bear with me.


These are the certainties of my life for which I have become extremely aware. If you are a friend of mine, you will nod to one, many, or all of these things. I'm not happy with the way my life is going, and I recognize the following truths:

-I am a terrible friend. See rest of list for details.

-I do not allocate my time in a way that is fit to allow for the return of phone calls, party invitations, or hangout time. The best way I've found to handle this is to work in groups of people.

-I cannot, for the life of me, balance everything I want to do.

-Because of this lack of balance, I try to do everything and fail at most things I attempt, while only barely succeeding in a few. I tend to prioritize these things ahead of my friends, and ahead of time for myself.

-Despite how well I fake it, I do not have my shit together. I'm working on it, but my relationships with those important to me (you all) are taking the toll, and have been for some time.

Why would I post such a personal thing here? Well, for the most part, for therapeutic value.

If you're reading this, it means I have had some significant interaction with you that has had a strong bearing on my life to this point, whether that interaction is still going today is irrelevant. You being able to see this message is my note of thanks to you for helping sculpt the positive points of my life to where it is today.

Now, this should also not be taken as a cry for help. I am not trying to get sympathy or "get well soon" cards. This is simply what it is, an announcement so that you all know that I'm about to completely overhaul my life, and I'm not sure where I'm going to turn out.

Ulitmately, this is also a public apology for all of you whom I've irritated by not keeping in touch or spending enough time with you; I've certainly destroyed enough amazing potential friendships this way. While I can't promise it will change, I can promise that I still will do what I can, when I can.

Mind the gap.


Thom said...

I think it works like this, JP. Now you finally have time to reevaluate things in your life before your life changes completely. I'm not accepting any apologies because there's nothing to apologize for. I will not offer sympathy because we all have gone, will go, or are going through similar situations in our own ways. Empathy is what I offer. Thank you for sharing. I hope it was cathartic for you. Most importantly, I can't wait until you realize how blessed your life is and how you are not to blame for all you speak of.

Best to you always,

Waple said...

John sure types well when he's drunk.

It's all good in the hood, John.

Just as long as you don't turn into one of them girl things.


Steve said...

Nothing to apologize for, man, ever. Seriously- as someone else who has never been good at picking up a phone, I know that it doesn't mean that you care any less. Even if everything's about to change in your life, I know you can handle it, because I know you. You are probably the most adaptable problem-solver I've ever met. Rock on, man, and good luck. We are all with you!