Monday, February 16, 2009

Things that piss me off (add your own)

So this past weekend was a four-day weekend of sorts. Friday was no school, but was an institute day so I went to work, but didn't have to work, and Monday was Presidents' Day. It sounds nice, but really it was all a waste of life for me. Let me explain:
Friday: already mentioned I had to go to work for virtually nothing (every institute day is considered by at least some of the faculty every time we have one to be a waste. This time I was the one who felt that way). Then, in the evening, I hung out with my friend Mark and played Wii. During the night, I had a whole Jack's pizza and then two hours later started feeling sick to my stomach. Fast forward to a few hours later early, early Saturday morning and I'm spending hours in the bathroom with pizza coming out both ends. If you think it's unpleasant to imagine, just think how it was for me. I had to basically time the rotation of which was I was facing the toilet. I don't know if you can blame the pizza or some 24-hour flu bug, but I can tell you that this wouldn't be the first time I got the flu this year, which brings me to the first thing that pisses me off:
Regular flu.
Let me explain. If it were flu of the avian variety, I would at least have something to blame - avians. I would probably die from it, but that's to the avian flu's credit. Regular flu is more torturous. It leaves you on the edge of survival only so it can get some joy out of striking again later after you've recovered. I believer that if the flu ever kills you, it's purely by accident. Now, I never get the flu, ever. This year I have had it twice. If this were avian flu, I would've probably died and not had to deal with it a second time. So regular flu, if you can't finish the job, don't come and stay in my body for a measly 24 hours. Much less, don't bother coming back for a second try only a month later. Seriously, a month? You were just here. All you did this time was waste one of my precious three days of weekend, which bothered me more than having to puke up supreme pizza a few times (it comes out orange). That brings me to the next thing that pisses me off:
With the three days of weekend I was expecting, I was going to get a lot done, one of them being my arch enemy every year: taxes. Now, let's take a moment to mention that if the flu had done its job and killed me, I would've been free from taxes, but that's another argument. Every year, I struggle with my taxes because they are a major pain in the ass. For the first time, however, I thought I was going to have it easy because I only worked two different jobs this year, thus decreasing the number of W-2s I had to deal with, and sold very few stocks (I'll get to the bad economy). I also was apparently under the mistaken impression that I was going to be getting money back on my taxes this year for a change. Last year I paid a lot, and it seemed like an anomoly because I had made money from stocks, but I did not this year. So what's my reward? Instead of paying $500 like I paid last year, I get to pay three times that much this year. FOR A GOVERNMENT THAT'S JUST GOING TO GIVE IT AWAY TO A BUNCH OF GODDAMNED MORON BANKS. So I waste my time toiling over how to get the numbers right and checking and rechecking and pulling my hair out and asking my dad all sorts of stupid questions, only to give it all away to a government that doesn't check its own numbers. I swear to God.
Next: The economy.
You all know I'm "cheap." Of course, I always argue I walk the line and am "thrifty." Forgetting that argument, I want to explain the basis for my spend-thrift ways. I have always thought of myself as more mature for my age and very forward-thinking. Case in point, I have had retirement in mind since the age of about 8. Anyone else do that? I hadn't even started working yet and I already understood the importance of compiling savings. The basic logic behind all of my tightwad spending was the (until recently) dependable logic that the stock market, over time, goes up. I knew that the more I saved, the more I could invest, and the sooner I invested, the larger, stronger, and more diversified my portfolio would be, virtually guaranteeing me a massive amount of money barring ANY WORLDWIDE ECONOMIC COLLAPSE. Now, what do I get for being responsible by putting my money in investments and not spending it? A kick in the teeth and in the wallet. I lost so much money this last year it's unbelievable, at least for someone my age and level of income. Kind of blows when I think about the fact that if the government had just done what I did when I was 8 - saved - then we wouldn't be in this crisis. It's just one more reason for me to think about starting my own utopia.

So that sums up my weekend. I was going to write about the chicken costume today, but because of the flu I was more compelled to take the time to write about my rantings because if I didn't, you were going to read about it in the paper tomorrow. It would be something to the tune of, "Teacher punches everyone in the face. Fired." Except substitute "punches" with "kills" and "Fired" with "Utopia." So the chicken costume story will have to wait, I'm sorry to say, although most of you have heard it already. It's really just for you, John.


Thom said...

This was *almost* better than the chicken story.

Thom said...

Oh, and I'm sorry you've had to go through all that.

Michael said...

Er, well, it's a much smaller thing, but people who use "your" instead of "you're" piss me off, to an extent.

Um. Yeah.

Also, when the brakes in my car don't work and I almost rear end the car in front of me. God bless Chicago weather.